What Is Monachopsis, And What Can You Do About It?

Taken from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows (John Koenig), monachopsis is

The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach….unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.

Let’s take a closer look at this phenomenon from a psychological perspective.

Feeling out of place

Monachopsis is an experience we can probably all relate to, at least from time to time. This is usually no major problem provided it doesn’t stop us from living the life we want. However, monachopsis is an ever-present state for some that adversely colours thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. There are many reasons why we might feel uncomfortable with our surroundings. Here are just a couple of examples:

• Discomfort in social situations is a common phenomenon. At the extreme end of this spectrum lies social anxiety disorder (social phobia). This is a diagnosable condition entailing the fear of negative evaluation in ‘performance’ situations (e.g., speaking in a meeting, standing in line at the supermarket). But the above definition of monachopsis refers to a ‘subtle’ feeling. Many people experience a less severe version of social anxiety in the form of mild to moderate unease when interacting with others, particularly in groups. This anxiety can leave you feeling out of place and even detached from others.
• Introversion is an often-misunderstood concept that might contribute to feeling out of place. To some extent, introversion refers to people who’s attention is drawn inwards to their own thoughts or other internal experiences. Often there is a preference for spending time alone or in low-stimulation environments (e.g., quietly reading a book, engaged in a solo hobby). Within a busy environment (e.g., lots of talking, high noise levels), those who tend towards introversion may feel out of place

The other component to monachopsis (according to the above definition) involves an inability to see a more comfortable environment. In the above examples, this lack of clarity is unlikely. For instance, socially anxious people usually have a clear sense that leaving the presence of others will bring relief.

But a lack of clarity could exist in other circumstances. For example, you may struggle to visualise and find a natural environment if unclear on your own values and life direction. If you don’t know what really matters to you, you might not ‘see’ circumstances that naturally fit with your preferences.

What can I do about monachopsis?

The answer will depend on what is causing your discomfort in the first place. Of the many possible strategies, I will focus on your attitude towards monachopsis.

1. Monochopsis can be treated like any other difficult inner psychological experience; an important signal from your body to pay attention. In this way, monachopsis does not have to be regarded as a bad thing. Keeping a record of when, where, and with whom you experience monachopsis can help tease out the underlying causes of discomfort. Look for common ‘triggers’ and patterns with monachopsis.
2. You can foster a helpful attitude towards monachopsis. While this state may not feel fantastic, monachopsis may simply reflect being in a challenging situation in which opportunities lie for self-development. Starting a new job with new colleagues in a new line of work could easily trigger monachopsis. But this could also represent an opportunity to grow and develop by getting through an uncomfortable phase of your career.
3. Finally, you can try ‘allowing’ monachopsis to be present, rather than attempting to fight or suppress it. When it comes to thoughts and feelings, we often get more of these things when we try to actively suppress them. Notice what happens when you read the statement ‘Don’t think about an elephant’. Instead of suppression, gently observe the state of monachopsis rather than pushing it away. For more on this, read this article on ‘notice and name’.

Watch this video for an extra strategy.